We won't bore you with some wordy, elaborative theory on the universal appeal of sex and death. Mainly because we're not that smart, but also due to the fact that sex and death are like adult diapers...They tend to sell themselves.
Join us now as we look back at the 25 moments comprising cinema history's most creative uses of these two opposing, yet somehow complementary, inevitabilities of life.
Laurie Holden in Silent Hill
Suffering the most disturbing death in an extremely disturbing movie based on the most disturbing videogame series of all time, making this list is indeed a testament to actress Laurie Holden's sexiness.
Playing policewoman Cybil Bennett in "Silent Hill," Holden's character is eventually captured by a maniacal church-group who tie her to a ladder and then lower it into fire, jubilantly burning her alive for being a witch as she screams in agony, the flesh on her face bubbling and blistering before falling away.
What can we say? Laurie Holden just looks extremely hot in a cop uniform.
As Terry Chaney in 2000's "Final Destination," actress Amanda Detmer played the role of hot/bitchy girlfriend to a T.
Having unnaturally avoided a plane crash, Terry's time in the film was of course limited, and what better, sexier way to dispatch a hot girl in the midst of cursing out her boyfriend than with a bus collision? Observe.
Perhaps more "awesome" than "sexy," Detmer narrowly slides into our Top 25, regardless.
Cara Seymour in American Psycho
"Don't just stare at it Sabrina, eat it!"
Ok, so Patrick Bateman wasn't exactly a romantic. Convincingly portrayed by Christian Bale, Bateman did, however, know what he wanted, and a terrified prostitute running amok through his New York apartment building wasn't it.
And while the death of Cara Seymour's character through well-timed combination of chainsaw and gravity was no-doubt troubling for some to watch, most have to admit: You were rooting for Bateman.
Carmen Electra in Scary Movie
Following a failed attempt at a music career and a brief stint on "Baywatch," Carmen Electra finally found her niche in 2000 after landing the Drew Barrymore role in the "Scream" parody, "Scary Movie."
Comedically dispatched in the first 10 minutes, Electra has since gone on to appear in film parodies such as "Date Movie," "Epic Movie" and the appropriately titled "Disaster Movie"--proving positively that looking sexy while getting murdered in a movie--even a satirical comedy--is a one-way ticket to success.
Drew Barrymore in Scream
In 1996, Drew Barrymore lent her street cred to a small movie called "Scream." Though appearing only in the film's opening scene before her character gets violently stabbed to death, Barrymore--complete with a new blonde bob haircut--was the preeminent face on the movie's poster, assuring young people they'd be getting more than just a bunch of murdered television actors.
The film's success breathed new life into the sagging teen-horror economy, paving the way for films like "Urban Legend," "I Know What You Did Last Summer" and "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer."
Thanks a lot Drew.
Teri McMinn in Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There's nothing misogynist about being turned on by a young woman hanging from a hook, is there?
We're kidding of course! We know there's not!
Known in horror (or more accurately "genre film") circles as Pam, the "girl on the hook" in Tobe Hooper's 1974 classic "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre," Teri McMinn's role has since garnered her inclusion into convention panels across the country, a Wikipedia page, and even permanent placement in New York City's Museum of Modern Art.
Now 57 years old, indeed McMinn may never be "off the hook."
Joanna Cassidy in Blade Runner
As Zhora in Blade Runner, the image of Joanna Cassidy handling the cybernetic snake, her bare breasts visible beneath a patina of glitter, and moments later getting shot in the back by Harrison Ford - who in 1982 most young film-goers were unable to separate from Han Solo - left quite the indelible impression.
Viva Ridley Scott. Nuff Said.
Radha Mitchell in Pitch Black
Australian actress Radha Mitchell, put simply, is the quintessential girl-next-door type. Possessing a subtle beauty that grows exponentially appreciable over time, she's like the poor man's Naomi Watts--just as beautiful yet somehow, unqualifiably, more accessible.
For this reason, it was actually a relief watching her character (Carolyn Fry) in the movie "Pitch Black" plucked from the ground and eaten by a nocturnal winged alien, rather than survive just to wind up with monosyllabic beefcake Riddick (Vin Diesel).
And make no mistake, had she survived the film, the two WOULD have hooked up.
Chiaki Kuriyama in Kill Bill
One might ask: What's so sexy about a 17 year-old girl in a school uniform wielding a long chain with a ball attached to it? Legally speaking, absolutely nothing.
One can't deny, however, that Japanese actress Chiaki Kuriyama as Gogo Yubari, engaged in mortal battle with a desperate, sweaty, blood-soaked Uma Thurman while Lucy Liu watched them from above, was at least a little bit sexy.
Actually, we better go back and watch it again just to be sure.
Eva Green in Casino Royale
In James Bond movies, 007 always seems to get the girl, yet somehow never really gets the girl.
Aside from Moneypenny, there's no better example of Bond's pattern of lovelorn-ness than in 2006's "Casino Royale." After enjoying a few days of hotel coitus with Vesper Lynd, Bond is forced to watch as his new love drowns in a submerged elevator car, prompting him to go on yet another killing spree (oh yes, Bond is quite arguably a sociopath) that spills over into the series' next film, "The Quantum of Solace."
Just give it up James. Between the nice suits, fancy martinis and that gym body, you're probably gay anyway.
Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction
Likely former North Carolina Senator John Edward's favorite movie, the final scene of 1987's "Fatal Attraction" is no-doubt catnip for philandering husbands around the globe.
After cheating on his wife and getting his girlfriend, "Alex" (played by Glenn Close) pregnant, Michael Douglas' character winds up drowning her in his family's bathtub, or so he thinks. Only slightly dead, a wet, very unhappy Close soon emerges wildly from the bathtub, only to be shot in the chest by Douglas' wife, played by Anne Archer.
Unfortunately for Senator Edwards, happy endings usually only occur in movies.
Saffron Burrows in Deep Blue Sea
There's always been an unspoken rule in horror movies: The film's attractive lead female character--who doesn't expose her breasts or have sex at any point in the film--always survives. Period.
Perhaps the only instance of this rule ever being ignored, fashion-model turned actress Saffron Burrows made it all the way to the end of 1999's "Deep Blue Sea," after over 90 minutes of avoiding genetically engineered sharks in her underwear. Then, suddenly and unceremoniously, with the closing credits only a few minutes away, her character is violently ripped in half and consumed by a Great White.
Predictable? No. Awesome? Of course! Sexy? Quite.
Jada Pinkett in Scream 2
Before she married Will Smith and began popping out child actors like Pez, Jada Pinkett was an actress, co-starring in mainstream hits like "Menace II Society" and "The Nutty Professor." In 1997, the year she married Smith, Pinkett attempted to reboot her career by getting killed off in the opening scene of a bad horror film--a strategy that had worked wonders for Drew Barrymore the year before.
Unfortunately, after playing Omar Epps' talkative girlfriend who gets fatally stabbed in a movie theatre, Pinkett's career began a slow retrograde from which she has still not fully recovered.
Still, great death scene.
Kari Wuhrer in Anaconda
topless, late-night cable television roles, "Remote Control" hotty Kari Wuhrer appeared alongside future A-listers Jennifer Lopez, Owen Wilson and Ice Cube in 1997's ode-to-fromage, "Anaconda."
Outsurviving Owen Wilson in the film, Kari's death scene involved collaboration with no-less than screen legend Jon Voight, whose bad Cuban accent character, Sarone, ends up suffocating her with a karate style leg choke before dumping her lifeless body into the river.
Sadly, despite having a featured role in the "Mystic Pizza" of giant snake movies, Wuhrer would never again share the screen with anyone more famous than David Arquette, and continues to fight her way up from the C-List. We're rooting for you Kari.
Dina Meyer in Starship Troopers
Romance is sexy, and for people who like a little dismemberment, horrible acting and a few hundred CGI created alien insects mixed in with their romance, there's no better film than 1997's "Starship Troopers."
In a moment comparable with the goodbye kiss between Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio in "Titanic," Johnny Rico (played by Casper Van Dien) takes his love, Dizzy (played by Meyer) into his arms after she's been impaled several times and swung around by a giant arachnid. Spitting up blood she tells him, "Johnny, I'm dying...it's alright, because I got to have you."
Great! Now we've made ourselves verklempt. Give us a minute...
Sheri Moon Zombie in The Devil's Rejects
After dispatching several victims over the course of two films (including "House of 1,000 Corpses"), Baby Firefly, played to perfection by the lovely Sheri Moon Zombie, met her presumable end during the closing moments of 2005's "The Devil's Rejects."
Set to the music of Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Free Bird," Baby and her nefarious brood drive fearlessly into a hail of police gunfire, being riddled with bullets before the scene fades out and credits begin to roll. Moon's character seems to have died, and we never even got to see her topless.
Thankfully though, "Rejects" grossed almost 3 times its $7 million budget, making it highly likely Baby will someday, somehow be resurrected for a sequel.
Susan Backlinie in Jaws
Though her name is unfamiliar to most people, stuntwoman Susan Backlinie's nude night-swim and subsequent eating at the beginning of 1975's "Jaws" heralded the beginning of what we now recognize as the "summer movie blockbuster."
For further proof of Backlinie's contribution to film history one need only look at the movie's poster, which features her, the shark, and nobody else. No bearded Richard Dreyfuss, no Roy Scheider or Robert Shaw....just a naked girl stretched out above a really, really big shark. The film went on to gross $470 million.
One of cinema's sexiest, most overlooked scream-queens, we salute you Ms Backlinie.
Heather Matarazzo in Hostel II
Ok, we won't attempt to gild the lily here...it basically goes down like this:
Heather Matarazzo, best known for playing awkward 7th grader Dawn Wiener in "Welcome to the Dollhouse," is cast by director Eli Roth as an awkward college student who winds up meeting a bad end. A very bad end.
After winding up in a European torture house, Matarazzo's character, Lorna, is disrobed, hung upside down, and then slashed repeatedly with a large scythe by a woman who proceeds to cut her throat and lay naked beneath her, writhing in ecstasy as Lorna's blood pours onto her body.
Dang Eli, that's some cold chicken soup! Your move now Rob Zombie.
Since we're still a little choked up from recalling Dizzy's death scene in "Starship Troopers," we're going to offer a more objective approach in discussing Trinity's expiration in "The Matrix Revolutions."
To watch "Erin Brockovich" pretty woman Julia Roberts dying young in "Steel Magnolias" was something to talk about. Indeed, the film's hook came in watching the "Mary Reilly" star flatline...ok, sorry. Enough with the IMDB humor.
Kudos, Julia. You were hot in that movie.
As opposed to her later, more "talky" characters in films like "Fools Rush In" and "Frida," Salma Hayek's role as Santanico Pandemonium in Robert Rodriguez's 1996 classic "From Dusk Till Dawn" was 100% fat free.
In a completely streamlined appearance, Hayek dances seductively in a small bikini for a few minutes wearing a large snake, turns into a vampire and then gets shot in the face by George Clooney. No muss, no fuss.
If only Jessica Simpson had been given similar scripts...
Sandahl Bergman in Conan the Barbarian
When regarding the 1982 classic "Conan the Barbarian," people tend to remember two things. First, the scene in which Conan (Governor Schwarzenegger) and his statuesque lover, Valeria (Bergman) descend on a cannibalistic sex orgy and proceed to slaughter or maim everyone in the room, and second, the scene where Valeria dies in Conan's arms after being mortally wounded by a snake arrow.
Alas, having appeared nude in the film and having sex with the main character, there was really no way she could have survived.
Claire Danes in Romeo + Juliet
While the idea of killing yourself because you can't be with Claire Danes is understandable, for many guys, the idea of Claire putting a semi-automatic pistol to her head and pulling the trigger--because she can't be with you--is far-fetched to say the least.
Regardless, for young men capable of making it all the way through 1996's "Romeo + Juliet," Danes' suicide scene at the film's end was indeed a money-shot to remember. In the words of Billy Shakespeare, "These violent delights have violent ends, and in their triumph die, like fire and powder, which as they kiss consume."
Paris Hilton in House of Wax
In 2005, while discussing her "House of Wax" death scene in an interview with reporter Jeff Otto, Paris Hilton noted, "It was hard and I had to, like, pretend to be scared even though I really wasn't."
Acting prowess aside, Paris' highly publicized red-bra demise, in which she's impaled through the forehead by a large pole, distinguished "Wax" as more than just another low-budget slasher flick and set a new bar for horror film cameo deaths--much like how "One Night In Paris" revolutionized the home porn industry.
Janet Leigh in Psycho
In 1960, it wasn't very often one went to the movies and got to see a beautiful naked woman getting stabbed to death by a transvestite in the shower. In fact, not until the emergence of so-called "Grindhouse Cinema" were such scenarios available for viewing in local movie theatres.